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I've always been a little on the trusting side, but I never imagined I'd join a cult.
Initially, I thought I'd been smoothly transitioning into post-college life in Chicago. My new job seemed like a good fit. While I wasn't making too many friends yet, I was excited to be attending events where I could meet new people.
A couple months into this new phase of my life, I started having occasional bouts of insomnia. I chalked it up to the the underlying stress of major life changes. At first it didn't bother me. I'd spend my time reading in the middle of the night - appreciating the quieter sounds of the city. Being bleary eyed at work was annoying, but I'd assumed it wouldn't last. I'd had this happen a couple times in college, and it always went away within a week or two.
Over the next month, the insomnia got worse. I was averaging less than four hours a night and occasionally not sleeping at all. Since middle school, I had always felt like there was a constant pressure on my sternum. That pressure erupted into heart palpitations for days at a time. Pain migrated up my shoulders to my neck and into my jaw. My neck was so stiff that I felt the need to crack it constantly.
I knew nothing about Yoga except that it was good for relaxation and was supposed make you feel balanced. Beyond that, the only familiarity I'd had with Yoga was what I'd gleaned by playing as Dhalsim in Street Fighter II - notably that it's a martial art that allowed your limbs to stretch out when you attack and that by eating curry you could breathe fire.
We were on the phone for at least 10 minutes. I explained all the problems I was having and admitted that the insomnia made me fear that I was going to lose my job. She seemed genuinely concerned and said that the energy of a new city can be overwhelming to sensitive people. Julie thought Yoga could help and offered me a free private one hour session the next day.
Little did I know that the extra bit of stress from life changes had diverted enough resources for Lyme and its coonfections to engage in a full assault.
No longer was I able to appreciate the relative peace and quiet in the middle of the night and enjoy a book. I was freaking out.
It never occurred to that this was the work of an illness. I thought the palpatations meant that I was having panic attacks, and that made me feel even more anxious. At the time, I didn't realize that panic attacks didn't last for days at a time.
How long could I keep going to work like this? It must've looked like I was out partying all night. Concentrating or being social in the office was nearly impossible. No one said anything, but I was convinced that any day now, one of the partners would pull me into their office to give me the axe.
My assumption was that I was so obsessed with getting the insomnia under control, that the anxiety was triggering the other symptoms. Constantly worrying about sleep had to be making everything worse. I believed I'd put myself in an endless cycle that wouldn't get better until I started sleeping well again.
It was imperative to find a way to calm my body at night.
There was a Yoga studio less than a half mile from my apartment. I called, anticipating a short conversation where we'd discuss rates and I'd see if I could take a free class or two.
Julie answered my call and immideatly put me at ease. Her voice had a soothing, disarming quality to it. It was the relaxing sound I'd expected from a centered Yogi instructor.
The following evening, I followed Julie to her office, a small room with a thick lavender scent and a fluffy mat. She explained that my body was overwhelmed from. all the new energy It was receiving. Julie had me lie down on my back on the mat. Making a fist, she gently pounded on the center of my chest. Instantly, I felt a powerful, tingling that overrode the palpitations. She continued the tapping, moving all around my solar plexus. The sensation spread down my hands and into my feet. It felt like all the stress was draining from my body.
Julie explained that she was a healer and the massage had helped transfer stuck energy out of my body. Feeling better than I had in weeks, I signed up for a three month membership. The price seemed a little steep at $340, but it was hard to argue with the cost if Yoga was going to keep me employed. Julie warned me that the upcoming practices would detoxify my body and it wasn't uncommon for bruises to show up.
Before I left, Julie recommended an exercise to help the chest discomfort. She hunched her back and leaned forward. Letting one arm hang limp, she made a fist and pounded her chest with the other arm. Bending forward with an arm dangling close to the ground made her look like an orangutan.
I slept great the night after that private session. That morning, my chest pressure didn't feel nearly as overwhelming. It was nice to have found a solution so quickly.
I attended Yoga classes three days a week. I found them boring as we tended to just sit or lie down on the floor and listen to new-age music or run our hands along our head feeling the heat from our brain. Still, I didn't mind being bored for 45 minute stretches if it was going to help me feel better. The only thing I didn't like about the classes is that they started off with a series of stretches, bouncing in and out of the end range the stretch, which I'd been told multiple different places was really bad for you.
Julie explained that she was a healer and the massage had helped transfer stuck energy out of my body. Feeling better than I had in weeks, I signed up for a three month membership. The price seemed a little steep at $340, but it was hard to argue with the cost if Yoga was going to keep me employed. Julie warned me that the upcoming practices would detoxify my body and it wasn't uncommon for bruises to show up.
Before I left, Julie recommended an exercise to help the chest discomfort. She hunched her back and leaned forward. Letting one arm hang limp, she made a fist and pounded her chest with the other arm. Bending forward with an arm dangling close to the ground made her look like an orangutan.
I slept great the night after that private session. That morning, my chest pressure didn't feel nearly as overwhelming. It was nice to have found a solution so quickly.
I attended Yoga classes three days a week. I found them boring as we tended to just sit or lie down on the floor and listen to new-age music or run our hands along our head feeling the heat from our brain. Still, I didn't mind being bored for 45 minute stretches if it was going to help me feel better. The only thing I didn't like about the classes is that they started off with a series of stretches, bouncing in and out of the end range the stretch, which I'd been told multiple different places was really bad for you.
Despite attending classes three days a week and diligently doing The Orangutan exercise every night, my sleep and pain did not improve. On a day when I hadn't slept at all, I mentioned to Julie before class that I was still struggling. She recommended another private session later that night.
In a new city apart from family and friends, I was lucky to have someone looking out for me.
Julie had me lie down on her mat. Hoping for another massage, I was disappointed when she brought out a device that looked like an old CD Discman with opaque grey glasses that contained tiny colored LED lights on the inside. She explained that this device would induce delta brain waves that would help put me to sleep. I put it on, closed my eyes and rested into the mat. I remember a little buzzing and some lights flashing and then I fell asleep.
Gently, Julie shook me awake - and despite only getting a 10 minute cat-nap, I felt re-energized. $400 for one of those brain wave devices was a lot of money, but it was going to cure me.
I got into bed an hour early that night, excited to induce delta waves. When I turned on the brainwave device, I was treated to flashing lights and the pulsing sound of a hoard of angry bees.
If I hadn't been so overtired that I'd fallen asleep on the mat, would I have realized that no device this cheaply made should be able to influence my brainwaves? If I'd turned in this piece of garbage for a final project in one of my college digital design classes and claimed it helped influence sleep, I wouldn't have received a passing grade.
Why not just play ocean sounds or that crappy new-age music from class? At least that may have been boring enough to help me sleep.
My heart raced and I felt small beads of sweat forming on my brow. There was no question about it, she was doing The Orangutan!
Some additional notes:
I'm pretty sure that awesome "energy" massage of Julie's was a Shiatsu massage.
I don't want to reveal the actual name of "Yoga" organization I joined, because they have a tendency to be litigious if you call them a cult... so, let's just call them "Not A Cult" Yoga.
Oh - and here are some completely unrelated links that I'm including for some light reading:
http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2009/0803/fraud-dahn-yoga-centers-body-brain-and-wallet.html
http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-yoga-cult-20100328
http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/01/05/yoga.lawsuit.lee/
http://www.dailynews.com/20090623/former-employees-suing-dahn-yoga-and-health-centers
In a new city apart from family and friends, I was lucky to have someone looking out for me.
Julie had me lie down on her mat. Hoping for another massage, I was disappointed when she brought out a device that looked like an old CD Discman with opaque grey glasses that contained tiny colored LED lights on the inside. She explained that this device would induce delta brain waves that would help put me to sleep. I put it on, closed my eyes and rested into the mat. I remember a little buzzing and some lights flashing and then I fell asleep.
Gently, Julie shook me awake - and despite only getting a 10 minute cat-nap, I felt re-energized. $400 for one of those brain wave devices was a lot of money, but it was going to cure me.
I got into bed an hour early that night, excited to induce delta waves. When I turned on the brainwave device, I was treated to flashing lights and the pulsing sound of a hoard of angry bees.
How was anyone supposed to sleep with all that noise, let alone the light show?
If I hadn't been so overtired that I'd fallen asleep on the mat, would I have realized that no device this cheaply made should be able to influence my brainwaves? If I'd turned in this piece of garbage for a final project in one of my college digital design classes and claimed it helped influence sleep, I wouldn't have received a passing grade.
Why not just play ocean sounds or that crappy new-age music from class? At least that may have been boring enough to help me sleep.
In a rare moment of clarity among the overwhelming stress, I realized that this Yoga organization was most likely a cult.
The device slipped from my fingers and crashed dropped on the bedroom floor. While it didn't shatter when it hit the hardwood, (in fact it still worked afterwards) I stared at it for a few seconds, reminded of "Kobayashi Porcelain" cup.
Julie and the other instructors kept asking me if I wanted to go to weekend seminars that cost hundreds of dollars. As you became more advanced, the price of the seminars went up. The founder of their national group was spoken of with great reverence - always emphasizing how much "energy" he had - almost like he was some kind of deity.
Julie and the other instructors kept asking me if I wanted to go to weekend seminars that cost hundreds of dollars. As you became more advanced, the price of the seminars went up. The founder of their national group was spoken of with great reverence - always emphasizing how much "energy" he had - almost like he was some kind of deity.
They wanted all of my money and time and probably happen that I could eventually recruit new members.
Had I been just another desperate person swept up in their schemes? Was all Yoga a cult?
Had I been just another desperate person swept up in their schemes? Was all Yoga a cult?
I went to one more class and decided that it was better to let my membership expire and be grateful that I'd caught on before they emptied my bank account. I thanked Julie for her help and told her I wasn't coming back.
There was an extra bite to her usually soothing voice. "You know, I had depression problems before I joined and they've gone away. It's up to you if you want to get better."
* * *
It took a little more than a year, but the initial insomnia eventually disappeared. I learned to mostly deal with my neck, jaw, shoulder and chest discomfort. While I didn't feel myself, I managed at work. I slowly made friends and was lucky enough to find the wonderful partner who became my wife. In the meantime, I saw all kinds of specialists for the discomfort, but enough professionals had said that it was stress/anxiety/depression from the transition to adulthood that I believed that was the source of my problems.
Six years after the symptoms began, Lyme and its co-infections fortified their position. Sleep became an issue again and the pain spread to my lower back into my legs and ankles.
Freaking out, I thought I needed to find a therapist to figure out what was wrong in my head.
During my first session with Ann, I felt an immediate connection. Whenever I spoke, she had a kindly smile and her eyes showed genuine concern. I didn't know if she'd be able to help, but I felt comfortable around her. At the end of our first session, she mentioned that she practiced Yoga and used that to help clients relax. Ann asked if I'd be open to it.
At this point, I'd done enough real Yoga to know that the cult-like organization I'd joined had about as much to do with Yoga as Dhalsim did. Real Yoga was relaxing and temporarily helped my pain. I was all for a therapist who incorporated it.
At the end of my second session, Ann suggested we try a Yoga technique to help relieve my chest. She got up, hunched over and began beating her chest with one arm hanging limp.
My heart raced and I felt small beads of sweat forming on my brow. There was no question about it, she was doing The Orangutan!
Did that mean... no, it couldn't be. Maybe it was a legitimate Yoga pose that the cult-like organization had borrowed.
As I mimicked Ann's Orangutan, I asked her what school of Yoga she practiced.
She named the "Yoga" group that has been after my bank account and mentioned that she'd be at a seminar all weekend. Ann thought I should consider those seminars as they might be helpful.
I called Ann later that day and left a message explaining that I'd had a bad experience with her "Yoga" organization and I wanted to talk about it before scheduling another appointment. I'd appreciated her wisdom until she did The Orangutan. Maybe it was possible to still benefit from her treatment.
When a week passed and Ann didn't call back, I left her another message telling her that I wanted to stop our sessions.
I never heard from Ann again and she never billed my insurance for our sessions.
__________________
As I mimicked Ann's Orangutan, I asked her what school of Yoga she practiced.
She named the "Yoga" group that has been after my bank account and mentioned that she'd be at a seminar all weekend. Ann thought I should consider those seminars as they might be helpful.
I called Ann later that day and left a message explaining that I'd had a bad experience with her "Yoga" organization and I wanted to talk about it before scheduling another appointment. I'd appreciated her wisdom until she did The Orangutan. Maybe it was possible to still benefit from her treatment.
When a week passed and Ann didn't call back, I left her another message telling her that I wanted to stop our sessions.
I never heard from Ann again and she never billed my insurance for our sessions.
__________________
Some additional notes:
I'm pretty sure that awesome "energy" massage of Julie's was a Shiatsu massage.
I don't want to reveal the actual name of "Yoga" organization I joined, because they have a tendency to be litigious if you call them a cult... so, let's just call them "Not A Cult" Yoga.
Oh - and here are some completely unrelated links that I'm including for some light reading:
http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2009/0803/fraud-dahn-yoga-centers-body-brain-and-wallet.html
http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-yoga-cult-20100328
http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/01/05/yoga.lawsuit.lee/
http://www.dailynews.com/20090623/former-employees-suing-dahn-yoga-and-health-centers
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