This blog is intended to be a community where people who have experienced Lyme can share stories, thoughts or reflections from their battle with Lyme. There are numerous resources on the web where you ask for treatment advice, but I couldn't find any dedicated to being a place where people can share their experiences and allow their friends and family to gain a better understanding of what they're going through.
If you would like to submit something - be it a few short thoughts or a story, please email LymeDebacles@gmail.com.
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"Don't you see the line?" demanded a man I didn't realize was standing behind me.
Overwhelmed with the anxiety of my upcoming job interview in Times Square combined with my lack of familiarity navigating an airport, I'd accidentally cut into the middle of the cab line at LaGuardia.
"Oh - I'm so sorry," I exclaimed, stepping aside. I have no doubts that between my inability to properly enter a simple taxi stand queue, the bizarre combination of my ratty winter coat over a suit and my startled response, I couldn't have done a better impression of a deer staring into oncoming headlights.
"It's okay. You don't do this very often?" After I shook my head, he pointed to the median across the street and continued, "You know the best place to wait is over there. Cabs stop by there all the time."
It took about five minutes of waiting in that grassy median before it occurred to me that the guy was preying on my naivety and I walked back over to the cab line.
As I replayed that incident the other day, my first thought was that my Lyme symptoms must've been really bad for me for fall for something like that.
Wait - how could I blame Lyme? That incident took place during my last year of grad school. I was experiencing the same minor Lyme symptoms I'd had since middle school, but it would would be another six months before the unholy mix of Lyme and its co-infections would overwhelm my immune system and severely impact my quality of life.
I realized that since becoming ill, I've blamed my symptoms every time I've inadvertently said or did something idiotic or socially awkward.
About 10 years ago, an elderly relative with Alzheimer's remarked that she had to "Remember to take her memory pills." She thought about her statement for a few seconds and then laughed hysterically at the irony. When I repeated the comment to her a few moments later, she didn't remember making it and she had the exerienced the same belly laugh all over again. Appreciating the warmth of her laugh and since laughter was supposed to always be good for you, I repeated the comment a dozen or so times. It wasn't until later that night when I replayed the scene that I realized how annoyed a couple other relatives appeared - they felt that I was making fun of her. I told myself that if I wasn't feeling so crappy - and my Lyme symptoms pretty bad that day - I would've read the room properly and known to stop after the second or third iteration.
Looking back on it, I'm not so sure. I had a self-absorption streak in me leftover from adolescence that got me into awkward situations long before Lyme was an issue. Believing the jerk at LaGuardia was one of many examples of times when I did an outstanding job misreading a situation.
There are times when I have no doubt that Lyme makes me more oblivious, short tempered and far more self-involved than I'd like to be. I've been to funerals where It's hard to focus on the service, because the shape of the pew aggravated my muscle inflammation.
I blamed my Lyme symptoms when I filled up a rental car with Premium gasoline, grabbed used towels at a hotel pool and took over a year to finish the thank you notes after my wedding. After looking in on my cat when I was out of town, my friend said that my apartment looked like it had been hit by the mob. It didn't bother me, as the fault for the poor upkeep of my place rested with my symptoms. I have no idea how much being hyper-focused on my discomfort contributed to or caused those situations. In many ways, it doesn't matter. My responsibility for my actions and to those around me doesn't change because I have Lyme. It's easy to forget how many people have their own overwhelming battles that they're silently fighting. I don't know what others are going through nor do I continuously weigh their actions against their struggles. I wouldn't expect them to do the same for me.
I need to force myself to step outside all of the discomfort and see the world from the perspective of someone other than myself. Depending on how I'm feeling - which changes all the time - that's a lot easier said than done. This is one of the great challenges presented by this illness. I've fought this disease for years and while I'm always hopeful that I'm just one more Herx away from remission, the reality is that this fight could go on for months or years. It's important that I don't spend the rest of my time with Lyme using it as as a crutch to justify my actions.
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